Tuesday, November 27, 2012

livin' the dream, part 863

I used to play in a short-lived all-girl 80s cover band called "The She Bops" back when I lived in San Diego.  All of the girls in the band were fantastic musicians, and we had a great rapport on the stage and off.  Like me, the drummer was a full-time working musician, and we would frequently tell each other horror stories about our current gigs.  At one point, we started kicking around the idea of writing a coffee table book together, which she decided we should call "Livin' the Dream" - all about what it's REALLY like to work as a musician for a living.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say to me: "Oh, you're SO lucky to do what you love!" in a gushy, goopy, dreamy voice that insinuates how much harder they have it because they sit behind a desk all day and how easy I must have it, not having to work until the nights and playing beautiful music day in and day out.  It's not "work" after all, right?

WRONG.

After so many years of working as a musician, I have so many ridiculous stories built up about what it's REALLY like that I feel like I might throttle the next well-meaning person who says this to me.  So, in order to save myself, I think I'm going to start using this blog as a space to vent and "release."  It needs to happen.

And now it begins...

Story #863: my husband and I were invited by a good friend and AMAZING jazz musician to perform on his monthly series in Boston.  If you follow me on facebook, twitter or anywhere else on the web, you'll know that I recently released a solo album titled "one."  We booked this gig in support of the album release, as I've been wanting to play more solo sets.  The gig, unfortunately, was the night before Thanksgiving, which is historically a terrible night to play as most people are home with their families.  But, such is the life of a musician - hell, I was a church musician for many years and NEVER had my holidays off, so I'm not complaining.  Holiday, schmoliday.  Work never stops for us.  My husband and I figured it would be great fun, as we almost never play shows together as it's hard to find middle ground between the experimental jazz he typically performs and the type of electronic music that I do (as my solo work).  This series would be perfect to play together, and we could have a two hour drive each way together to just talk and catch up - sometimes we're like "ships passing in the night" as we keep such wacky hours doing what we both do.

We left around 3:30 in the afternoon and took the "long way" up state route 2 to avoid holiday traffic on the interstate.  Halfway to Boston, I realized that I forgot to load out my theremin, which I had been planning to use as a CV controller for my Moog synth; that meant I'd have to rewrite about five or six patches to work in a different way once I got to the venue.  It stressed me out for a bit, but I eventually let go of it...although, I did feel this crazy, "how in the hell could she forget her fucking INSTRUMENT" vibe emanating off of my husband in the crowded car.  It was irritating, but warranted.  I'll admit it.

We arrived early, and the venue was locked.  It was extremely cold and we waited for a bit until our friend arrived and unlocked the door.  We set up, sound-checked and discovered the PA was blown in one channel.  So, we had to bring in one of my amps to fill in the gap - no big deal.

Then we waited.  And waited and waited.  And waited some more.

8:15 rolled around.  NO AUDIENCE.  (We were supposed to start at 8.)

What does one do when the audience doesn't come?  Hmmm.  We played, sort of like a musical chairs kind of thing, until close to 10, and then loaded out.  Then we drove home, hungry, as not a single restaurant was open the night before Thanksgiving.  In fact, the only place that WAS open was the McDonald's drive-thru on the Pike.  My husband and I ended up spending our two-hour ride home pondering the philosophical reason behind the two possible shapes of Chicken McNuggets - oval or boot? - and how these shapes could in any circumstance conjure up images of real chickens.  We also spent the drive suffering through "McGut" syndrome, with which any touring musician who eats far too much McDonald's is likely overly familiar.

Hmmm.

I have absolutely no regrets, as it was a fun night, despite the fifty dollars in gas that were spent to play to an empty room.  We did have a great time catching up with our friend and spending time together.

So why am I writing this?  Well, folks, this is what actually happens sometimes.  You get all pumped up and nervous about performing (hence part of the reason why I forgot my theremin!  Duh.).  I know I build up ANY gig in my mind - doesn't matter if it's big or small...I ALWAYS want to sound my best and put forth 100% to deliver to the audience.  That's my job as a performer.

And then no one shows up...despite making event invitations, doing a blitz of promo, releasing an album on an actual label, having a doctorate in my field, playing in umpteen bands and knowing five million different people.

Don't feel sorry for me - I don't.  This isn't a "woe is me" kind of post.  Rather, to quote Dave Chappelle, it's sort of a "when keeping it real goes wrong" kind of thing.  It's just what happens sometimes.  You get booked on a bad night, or on a gig that's inappropriate for your band (which has happened to me countless times), or at a venue where the PA blows up midway through your set (this too has happened to me, more than once).  It's hard to not take let-down personally - that I think is the biggest challenge of "livin' the dream."  Because you do something that IS so close to your own heart and soul, it's really tough to not get beat down easily.

Don't ever tell me I'm "so lucky to do what I do."  I've sacrificed a lot - I don't have a steady paycheck, a retirement plan, good finances, holidays, paid vacation (yeah, if I take time off...I don't get paid ANYTHING), any sort of job security, etc.  I sacrifice to do what I love.  Anyone can do that...but not everyone has the guts, or thick enough skin, to live with that commitment on a daily basis.

That's it for now...expect more stories from the road to follow!  I'm keepin' on, keepin' on, just a-livin' the dream, baby!!!

1 comment:

  1. What a nice surprise! (The blog, not your misadventure.) This all reminds me of... well... me. I'm, like, the world-famous author that nobody's ever heard of and nobody ever pays for. Just today after several months of pitching article ideas, a magazine finally responds that, yes, we like your idea, but we could only use it online. And the mag's mighty online arm of its publishing empire doesn't pay for that material. So, yeah, I've been playing (keyboarding, eh?) most of my adult life for empty newsstands full of unknown publications that pay absolutely nothing to its article writers. Tell me about "having fun doing what I love." Sometimes I even try taking THAT to the bank, just on the off chance that the teller (as in the Monopoly game) will make a "Bank Error in Your Favor--Collect $100." Right. But of course, no teller ever does. They usually just call Security. :-|

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